I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
