i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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