..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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