I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
