ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
