Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
