how can u be prego again
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
