I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
These tits shall not be calmed
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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