i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
