Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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