My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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