omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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