Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
