11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Please, let me fuck your mom
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
