Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
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