When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
