Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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