You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
