it was like his penis was on wheels.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
