So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
