OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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