why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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