I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
