I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
