Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
