Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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