Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
