You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
