Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize