We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
