Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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