Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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