If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
