I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
