Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
