I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
