She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
