So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
