Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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