Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize