Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
