dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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