I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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