I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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