can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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