He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
