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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  in pain and im wearing pink underwear

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  so?

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  i dont own pink underwear

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• (607): View more from New York

  I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.

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• (760): View more from California

  Joe is yelling at the trees again.

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.

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• (925): View more from California

  We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts

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• (917): View more from New York City

  his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"

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• (661): View more from California

  GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!

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• (731): View more from Tennessee

  I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.

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• (425): View more from Washington

  It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"

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• (218): View more from Minnesota

  Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember

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