This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
