Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
