dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
