Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
