I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize