she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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