So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
it glows. i had to have it.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
