By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
