so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
