it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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