he wants to bone in the snuggie
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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