Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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