dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
3pm strippers are depressing
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
