she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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