Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
