Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
