look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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