my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
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