Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
