o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
