Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
