Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
