I can text with my tongue
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
