Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
