Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
