Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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