no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
