Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
