Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
