You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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