How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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