she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
