I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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