Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
