we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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