Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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