I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
