I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
