So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
