please come you make the beer taste better
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
