Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
