yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
