You're my little dorito
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
