Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
