this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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